


Show me that I can be pretty

by gaytrash09



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Body Dysphoria, Depression, M/M, Panic Attacks, Self-Harm, dysphoria is a bitch, trust me i know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:27:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25988944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaytrash09/pseuds/gaytrash09
Summary: Hinata Shouyou has an amazing family. He has a dad, a mom, and a younger sister to keep him busy. He has so many friends that he absolutely adores and would do anything for. He has the most amazing and supportive and loving teammates as well, people he would never want to leave his life. Which is why he has to hide his secret... See, Hinata Shouyou has an amazing family, lots of friends and loving teammates, but he also has depression, anxiety, insomnia and a whole shitload of body dysphoria. He doesn't feel like he will ever be happy, but since when was that an issue for him?Or basically, Hinata Shouyou hates his body and only feels good about it when he can see the jagged scars running across his hips and stomach, and Oikawa Tooru shows him just how pretty he can be without them.I REWROTE THE BEGINNING! NOW IT RELATES TO ME EXACTLY! PLEASE READ!
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 6
Kudos: 26





	Show me that I can be pretty

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this, it will be a couple of chapters but atm I don't know how many... Maybe 4? 5? I don't know.. Anyways, please enjoy my rantfic about my favorite Haikyuu ship with Shouyou having my issues and Tooru being the partner I need in my life LMAOOOO

Hinata Shouyou has an amazing family. He has a dad that works as a company’s private pilot, a mom that is finally going back to college after raising her kids until they were old enough to be able to take (somewhat) care of themselves, and a younger sister (of whom he absolutely adores) to keep him busy. He has so many friends that he absolutely adores and would do anything for. He has the most amazing and supportive and loving teammates as well, people he would never want to leave his life. 

Which is why he has to hide his secret. 

See, Hinata Shouyou has an amazing family, lots of friends and loving teammates, but he also has depression, anxiety, insomnia and a whole shitload of body dysmorphia. He doesn't feel like he will ever be happy, but since when was that an issue for him?

Shouyou doesn’t know when or why he started feeling like this. Like he wasn’t supposed to be here. Like he didn’t /deserve/ to be here. He just knew that slowly but surely, his life started going down hill. He would look at himself in the mirror every day, staring at the empty expanse of never ending pale skin. There are small freckles dotting his skin, barely visible, but no. It’s not enough. It’s never enough. He wants more marks, more things . He is “perfect”. But not to him.

No, Shouyou wants what other people would kill to get rid of. He doesn’t want pale skin, he wants freckles that dot his body like Yamaguchi. He wants a mole under his eye like Suga-san. He wants scars on his legs like the ones Shimizu-san got from running track. He doesn’t want the perfect skin that everyone tries so hard to achieve.

So, he decides to find ways to make his “perfect” skin, “un-perfect”. He searches his house in search of things to use against his body with. He snuck into his parent’s office, grabbing the sharpie container and dropping it in his room. Then, he goes back in search of paint, but gives up when he remembers how much work it is to clean the brushes (it really is just too much work).

Shouyou goes onto the internet to find different types of simple designs to decorate his body with, finding different types of flowers, signs, quotes, everything. He grabbed a pencil (it will help outline the basics of the design without causing too much extra trouble if it messes up) and slowly dragged it across his skin (internally reveling in the red flush blooming after every little drag), doodling the outline of a flower into the side of his stomach (‘it’s the easiest place to cover’, he tells himself). He adds leaves and vines, slowly and steadily growing in size until the whole piece reaches almost all the way across his stomach. 

He grabs the small, thin black sharpie (the basic outline) and traces along exactly where the white line is in the middle of the red trail, making it easier to spot the drawing. After the small outline, he grabs the colored sharpies and starts coloring it in (being somewhat careful of the lines, but not worrying excessively because he will go over the outline again with a thicker sharpie after). He grabs different shades of green for the leaves, vines and thorns, he grabs three different shades of orange, a red, yellow and pastel pink sharpies for the flower petals. 

It takes quite a while for him to finish, because even though he said he wasn’t going to be too careful about the lines, he really was because he was a perfectionist like that. Once he finished the coloring, he noticed that, even with his extreme perceptiveness, there were a couple of spots of black ink that were accidentally colored over. ‘Luckily this was already my plan, or I would’ve probably started crying’ he thought with a dark chuckle. He grabbed the thicker sharpie and slowly went over the same line the smaller one made not an hour earlier. 

Once finished, Shouyou stood himself in the mirror and sighed in satisfaction. There wasn’t as much red anymore from the pencil, but the little bit there was left really added an emphasis to the beautiful piece of art that decorated his body. The vines were twisting their way across his torso, flowers falling in one area, in full bloom in another, and just starting to bud in another. 

He had to admit, he loved the way it looked, shifting when he flexed his stomach muscles, twisting when he turned his chest one way and his hips in the other. He loved it. 

He felt pretty.

The next morning, he got up to get ready for morning practice. He trudged his way into the bathroom, lazily brushing his teeth, washing his face, you know. The normal morning routine that any human should follow. He was exhausted doing all of that, but as soon as he pulled off his sleep-wear and saw his artwork, his eyes lit up and he whooped with joy (a quiet whoop though, Natsu and his mom were still sleeping). He continued staring at it for a minute longer, tracing the curving and twisting vines with the tips of his fingers, before finally ripping his gaze away from his stomach and pulling on his clothes. 

He made his way downstairs, grabbing a piece of toast for the road (it’s not good to work himself on an empty stomach). He got his bag, hopped on his bike and went to school, thinking about all the different designs he could do later. 

When Shouyou pulled up to Karasuno, he realized Kageyama wasn’t there yet. ‘Welp, I guess I’ll just wait for him at the club room, then’ he thought to himself. As he sat on the stairs, he couldn’t help but think of all of the different designs he could do later. Ooh! Maybe he could add the kanji for his name in the middle of a sun, since his name directly translates to sunshine! Oh or he could add a mandala to his hip! Or he could try and draw a volleyball on his shoulder or something! Oh or!-

“Hinata-boke! Why didn’t you wait for me at the front!? I thought we were going to race! Boke!” Ah, Kageyama, always ruining my inner monologue. 

“Kageyamaaaaaa it WAS a race though! And I beat you! Because I got here first! Duh.” I snickered into my hand. He was maaaaad hehehe…

Luckily, before Kageyama could be charged for murder, Suga-san and Daichi-san walked up and opened the club room for them. Shouyou was really excited for volleyball practice today (wasn’t anything new) and in his excitement, he sort of forgot about the huge art piece covering almost the entirety of his stomach. He only remembered when he heard Kageyama gasp from behind him when he took his shirt off. 

Just when Shouyou turned around to face Kageyama in confusion, the door burst open and in walked Noya and Tanaka -senpais, both freezing mid-step (and mid-conversation) when they saw his stomach. Suga-san and Daichi-san were worried as to why their most energetic second year duo went silent, so when they saw their eyes trained on something by the freak duo, they turned and froze in shock.

Noya-senpai was the first to regain composure, and with a mixture of awe, jealousy and pride shining in his eyes, he ran and jumped up and down next to Shouyou, asking questions about ‘where’d you get your tattoo’ and ‘did they know you’re underage?’ and ‘did you bribe them with extra money just to get it done?’ , with Shouyou just shaking his head in confusion.

Luckily Suga-san snapped back into his head and filled his destined role as team mom to get Noya to stop asking rapidfire questions. Once he did, Shouyou seemed to finally process what questions were asked and how to answer.

“Well, Nishinoya-senpai, I’ve never had a tattoo done, I’ve never had to convince someone I’m older than I actually am to GET a tattoo, nor have I ever, or would ever, bribe someone into giving me a tattoo. This was something I drew myself last night. I didn’t like how boring my skin looked, so I decided to color it with some sharpies! Does it look good?”  


**Author's Note:**

> I rewrote this, and it really relates to me now...  
> It's the dysphoria for me!  
> If y'all have any questions/comments/concerns, lemme know!


End file.
